who the fuck is this music industry kidding?

so i usually would never do this but what's the whole point of having a blog spot if you're not going to blog.

this is me & i how i feel about the music industry today.

since i have been in this game for over 12 years now and killing myself, working myself like crazy to be known, recognized, noticed, make friends, relationships, get into sessions, creating my brand, designing, booking shows, getting signed, expired contracts, promises, getting signed again, signing away your my life and a craft that i've been working on for over 20 years. creating a self made documentary, recording, editing, countless hours of studio sessions, phone calls, voicemails, flights, hotels, sleeping on couches, making calls, writing messages, rehearsing, writing music, playing piano, taking 3 jobs at a time, auditions, school, talking to managers who have pull and then talking to managers who don't know a thing, a & r's, actors, singers, songwriters, agents, stylists, pr, photographers, directors, composers, all the people i know at ascap, going to conferences, making new contacts, creating those relationships with people who have no intention of helping you really, just talking about how successful they are, their story , your story, do you have a fucking story,who are you? what do you drive, own , rent , talking to executives, being on a tv show for rodney jerkins & mc lyte, trying to prove myself, im too fat, too skinny, too talented, not talented enough, being compared vocally, told im the best, told im not good enough, doing too much, not doing enough, being controlling, but wait, isn't this my career? trust, love, people hitting on you when you just want to work, what's real, what's fake, who's real who's fake, who's really 'looking out for you', when to quit, when to continue, how to act, what to say and not say, people telling you off behind your back, expressing how 'amazing' they think you are in person, can make moves for you and then do absolutely nothing at all.

being chosen out of over 7,000 songwriters around the country within a 7 month waiting period, to becoming the final 20 and then being told 1 day before filming they made a shift in their casting process [but this i have to be thankful for, didn't want a fucking tv network owning my music anyway, so THANK YOU, but fuck you for wasting my time. [sorry for the fuck you, but not really sorry]

fan's wondering if you will ever release something, writing hate mail cause i haven't released something, producers taking sessions with you then never calling with an address of which studio to meet, people saying they're going to 'hit you up' and never do, giving wrong information so you never reach them, when you've called them over 5 times already and you've spoken but they don't ever put your name in their phone and everytime you call and they answer you have to say 'hey, what's up' and they say 'WHO'S THIS' are you fucking kidding me?

starting songS in the studio with platinum selling writers who don't want to give you credit when you just wrote 50 percent of the record, cause they still haven't had what they think should be their 'big break'... industry 'friends' telling you lets work, let's work, lets 'get it in' i can go on for another 600 paragraphs but i won't , i think whoever is reading this gets the point...

the only thing keeping me in this is my talent. otherwise that bridge looked real pretty the other day.

the point is, if you're going to give up, then give up, but stop saying you'll give up and never do, cause that time spent on the 'should i give up' question is all time you could have been [look at the entire above paragraph] so now what?

just had to release something. dont know what so i just wrote. fuck, i hope no one sees this. ra*